Improving self esteem by knitting for others
How giving to others can improve your general confidence
I once did some training on how to praise and reward people in a meaningful way. There were three options; tell them, give them your time, or give them a thing. The idea was that we all have our preferred, but not exclusive ways of receiving love.
I quite liked this idea, but I was hoping that it worked in reverse and that my messages of love do not always have to be spoken or written down. I say this as someone who is totally rubbish at expressing my feelings through words. I get too anxious about my phrasing, too worried about causing offence or emphasising the wrong thing and often say the opposite of what I mean.
I am the worst at ‘small talk’ and gossip and I am never happy at the centre of a conversation unless I am the link between others or the conduit to understanding. So in giving messages of love I am left with; give time and give a thing. The obvious course of action for me then is to take to the needles and let my knitting speak louder than words.
Obvious, not quite. Some people can knit for others with no concern about whether it will be well received. They have made it with love and that is what counts. This is despite the all-pervasive media image of the last 100 years.
Even the mighty Jane Marple of Agatha Christie fame was seen as a harmless old lady who spent her time knitting and dead-heading roses. This of course is a terrible stereotype but served to make receiving handknits as the butt of many, many feeble jokes.
I am not saying that this particularly applies to me. I have always championed knitting and challenged this stereotype whenever faced with a disrespectful remark. Quite aggressively in fact. Furthermore, my nearest and dearest have usually seemed pleased to receive my handknits, which is just a lovely feeling.
However, I have found my confidence decline over the past decade. I have lived a long way from most of my family for many years and even my friends are not that close. Some of my dearest are not near at all!
I realised that I was losing that connection with their everyday lives. Without that gift of the casual chat, I didn’t know all those little things that build up to make a collage of their likes, dislikes and experiences. Without that picture I lost confidence in the idea that I could make them a worthy knitted gift.
However, as with so many things over the past decade, times they are a’changin’. First of all, knitting is becoming the craft of the young and the creative. People are wearing handknits as an expression of individuality and care.
The Covid pandemic showed the need to adapt and evolve new ways of operating. So, I took the leap and started making stuff again for my nearest and dearest – just because.
The key to success for me has been to pull back on my natural tendency to overthink and seek perfection, whatever that is …
Shawls, socks and blankets all provide comfort and a virtual hug. That’s after all what you want to express.
Happy colours and luxury yarns will help the recipient feel special and bring a smile. Again, how you want your loved ones to feel.
A dog coat or a kitten rug shows that you have picked up on the love those pets have brought into the lives of those you care about – you have listened.
